Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconcockv: More from cockv


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
December 25, 2008
File Size
1.0 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
246
Favourites
1 (who?)
Comments
5
Downloads
13
×
latin can not describe the electricity
of blue veins suspended in cala lily skin. they fan out,
protazoic, dormant beneath a sea of iced flesh.



i grip the sink, peroxide strands of kelp washing up
on the banks of my shoulders like
the white-gold sunshine

that would prism behind your chinook arch
with all the beauty of a nuclear winter.



for the transplant of my frontal lobe
to the heaven above his stratus comforter, instructions
have been written. next time he is carried in on a foen wind i am to

one, stand very still

two, present my brain to the sky

and three,
wait for the apricots
of sunrise to settle
into the overcast of his eyes.








i practise a little and wish i had a veinous hum, skeptical
that an electrocardiogram could detect a beat.
sometimes when i look in the mirror, i can't imagine that i can actually be perceived
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvesiculae:
That 7-syllable word in the last line really musses up the ending's rhythm. Find a synonym.

Otherwise, this is really gorgeous.
Reply
:icontemari-hime:
i liked it better the first time. :|
Reply
:iconcockv:
cockv Dec 26, 2008  Student General Artist
hahaha thanks


it'll go through lots of edits. cause i'm a freakshow
Reply
:iconjonzoiplu:
i'd suggest cutting the yellow/pigment since carotenoid should be plenty, which might change up the visual arrangement of the piece (to play with enjambment or something) to something like

"latin cannot describe the electric
blue that fans like seaweed within
the pale waters of flesh, so rich
in carotenoids and oh
so fucking vernacular.

veins wading in a cala lily sea
never gave them a hum

or the electrocardiogram
something to measure"

and maybe throw in some latin for fun? like "ego imbibo profundum".

or not.

cheers, :beer:
j.
Reply
:iconcockv:
cockv Dec 25, 2008  Student General Artist
grazi grazi


take that into consideration
Reply
Add a Comment: